I don’t understand these people. I get to a point where I think I get it, then another head scratching moment will occur. The distorted reality is just insane. One fragment of truth twisted in such a way to justify carnage on your own offspring and anyone around is collateral damage.
I thought me and my ex had gotten to a point where he would accept that I hate him, and move on and find new supply. I read about it, and hoped for it. Instead, this psychopath still holds on to the idea that if given enough time, he can worm his way back into my life and into my good graces. As if trying to put someone in jail and stealing away the child they birthed isn’t a disgusting enough thing, the audacity to think someone will forgive you?? All you people out there, if you did forgive, no judgement I get it. These people really do a number on your mental health, and if you don’t have a good support system I can see why they lure their victims back.
Not this girl though. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, sorry you are blocked and won’t get the chance. We share a kid and I have decided it is OK to not be friends with him. I have never said anything poorly about him to my daughter, even though this idiot has tried to brainwash her to say I hit her. He has used her repeatedly to try to deliver messages, to an innocent 4 year old girl. I still resist the urge to do the same because I will not use my daughter as a weapon. It’s been nearly a year since we separated and I really thought he would move on and eventually accept the situation but today he used my daughter yet again to try to get a conversation started about how we are both to blame for the state of our relationship and he was ready to be the bigger person and apologize again. An apology from a pathological lying manipulative narcissist… no thanks. I told him again in no uncertain terms there is nothing between us, will be nothing, and please move on so he can stop torturing our daughter.
Please ladies (and gents), if you see yourself in a situation with someone who has certain traits that raise red flags, try to love yourself and your child enough to leave. Your kids are better off seeing you single and happy. Even if you end up sharing the time with your ex, your kids will still be better off in most cases. They can learn how to be compassionate and have empathy while not being a damn door mat. They can learn from their other parent how not to be and what is inappropriate in human behavior. People act as if divorce is so traumatizing on a kid. The traumatic part is the way selfish adults put children in an awful position to choose sides or win favor by behaving in a way against the other parent. That is truly disgusting and child abuse. I will stand up for kids anytime because they are in an awful position where they are dependent on some vile vindictive people to teach them about life. I was put through the utter wringer and test and if I can still teach kindness to my daughter, anyone can. If someone dumped you, sure it hurts but is that the fault of your children? Do they deserve to be traumatized so they can turn into adults who have no maturity and will do the same to their kids?
Rant over. Talking to that person reminded me again of the psychological warfare of every day life and I count my blessings each day I wake up alone without someone there to get in my head. My head is just fine, thanks. My thoughts are valid, your thoughts are valid, but I can choose to ignore you and I will.
You write about such an important point. It is the children that should be the focus and not the narcissist. But then, the narcissist insists on being the focus of everything all the time.
I had a similar experience with a narcissist I share three children with. For a while, longer than I expected, he tried to weasel his way back into a relationship with me. He’d grill the children about me ruthlessly. They were all under age 10 at the time. If they shared any information about me that he didn’t like, he would yell and rage at them. The kids eventually said they didn’t want to visit him anymore because all he did was yell at them.
Thankfully, he moved hundreds of miles away and rarely speaks to our children. If he chooses to yell at them, the kids are in control now, and they can just hang up the phone.
My ex used to rage at my daughter too at the beginning because she did not want to be with him when we separated. She was used to me all the time because he had other important priorities, none of which included providing for his family or making a living. He only “changed” when he realized she was old enough to tell me and my family that her daddy yells and scares her. He used her youth to try to get away with lots of things like telling police I hit her but she was thankfully old enough to dispute it. It really repulses me how he would have treated her if she wasn’t old enough to vocalize that it is not ok. I am praying that my ex will also move, I assume once he realizes he cannot leech off me anymore that he will look to greener pastures ie. people in a city who doesn’t know his reputation. He tried to ruin mine but all he did was destroy his own credibility. I see now why these freaks move all the time, and would also caution that is a HUGE RED FLAG.