This is one of those nights where I can’t sleep and start to think random thoughts. The type that you feel you need to write about or the thought will be loss and with it, great wisdom. I will probably read this back in the morning and wonder what the heck was I thinking.
As the topic suggests, since I’ve suffered at the hands of a raging covert narcissist, I feel like I see narcissists EVERYWHERE now. I feel like it explains so many break-ups and relationship problems with people in my life. The close friend who complains to you about their selfish spouse, before just seemed like a harmless vent to me. Now, I see personality disorders and red flags and I can’t unsee them. Gone are the days of naive, love will prevail, you can work through anything!
I used to think that ideally I would never get a divorce. My reasoning was in my entire life and history of relationships, I have always been dead loyal to whoever no matter how undeserving they were. I figured, relationships will last as long as people are not unfaithful. If the other person is unfaithful, that is out of my control but at least I know I can control myself. So when I looked at what I wanted in a future spouse, loyalty was one of the top traits. My narc I would soon realize was full of flaws but he was very loyal which is actually a rarity amongst his kind. Who knows though, he was a huge liar and could make himself believe anything so maybe that was another illusion I fell for.
My point is that relationships can start to fail for several reasons. Personality disorders were never on my radar. But now that I see them, I suspect a lot of the people I come across as having them. Has my experience made me sensitive? Perhaps. But maybe this is a much more common occurrence than any of us thought. I think almost anyone you start off your description as “they seem nice, but…” is most likely someone who has some inherent narcissistic traits. I say that because narcissists are known for wanting to uphold an image, and part of that image is they want people to like them. Most people who knew my ex and heard of what he did to me were shocked as they all said “he seemed so nice”. I thought so too, or else I never would have married him.
I don’t want to think everyone is a narcissist, but I can’t help it now. If you evaluate all your friends and their relationships, especially the troubled ones, can you not also spot that either them or their spouse exhibits some form of narcissism? I can’t help but think this trauma will have a permanent impact on my life and future relationships and friendships. I do not want this toxicity in my life, and will stop it at the on set not when it’s too late. I lived, and I sure as hell learned.
I don’t know the point of this post, it was a bit of a ramble. I guess I just wonder if this is common, after you suffer through narcissistic abuse do you just have a preconceived notion that everyone is a narcissist or is it really more common than we thought? We were all just blissfully ignorant because it had not yet impacted our lives? Not sure. But this girl knows one thing, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I will not be made the fool again by one of these psychopaths.
~D
Narc Recovery Project 